Do I really have to be creative?

Oops.

2007-01-31T15:45:00.000-07:00

I have been informed by Depot Security that Cadet blogs are no longer permitted to be posted, due to security issues relating to training and police techniques, which are classified information, being posted on the internet. Therefore, the policy was changed, and I am no longer allowed to post RCMP related things here or I will be in breech of my Cadet Training Agreement and would then be terminated from the program.

This sucks, because I wanted to keep all of my friends in the loop about what is going on in my life, but I entirely understand point of this policy on the part of the RCMP.

As a result, my blog is officially closed until further notice.

Sorry.

I've arrived.

2007-01-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

I'm here. RCMP Depot Division, Regina.

Holy shit, I'm HERE!

So much was going through my mind as I drove into town, I can't even begin to catalogue it. I'm early, So, I've met one other member of my troop, I've met most of our "Big Brother" troop, and I've met the members of the troop that I'm sharing a dorm room with. Everybody seems cool and laid back, helpful and friendly.

I am bunked in a dorm room with 31 other guys. There is absolutely ZERO privacy. It turns out that my bunk is about 50 feet from the dorm where my Father was bunked when he was here in 1965-66. Small world...

I am going to get much more of an orientation over the next two days, so as I learn more I will be able to post more.

Time to go.

2007-01-26T00:28:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much packed, and I'll be on the road to Regina in about ten hours or so. Which means I should probably get some sleep, but that is fairly unlikely, considering everything.

I went to Edmonton again today, back to the Division headquarters for Enrollment today. I signed a lot of paperwork, including my Cadet training agreement, and some assorted administrative forms that make everything work the way they should. Busy day.

Need sleep now. I'll try to, at least.

My ride to the Ironman!

2007-01-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

This is the new aluminum horse that this Mountie will be riding when I get out of training:

She's a 2003 Cervelo Soloist that I Bought used in Edmonton from a dealer there... My thanks to Tom from Way Past Fast for hooking my up

There is no need for me to find any other bike until I start doing multiple Ironman races in a season. And let me tell you that is just not likely.

4 days to go!

2007-01-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

I just woke up a few short moments ago. The ~~holy and sacred giver of mental function~~ coffee is still brewing, but I thought I'd share this.

I dreamed about being in Depot last night. Having the uniform on and being a cadet. I don't remember what I was doing, but I was there. In real life, I will be there in a matter of days! I leave Friday, stay with a buddy half way, and arrive Saturday. As in this week. Holy Scheisse!

I spent a lot of time last night reading other people's blogs of their time in Depot, and it seems like a great way to chronicle your time there. You are only there once, so make the most of it right? One of the things that I did find yesterday was this: Ironcops for Cancer Canadian Police officers who raise money for cancer research by racing in Ironman Canada. Guess what, I found how I'm going to do my (first) Ironman in 2010! Both my girlfriend and I have family members who have been affected by cancer, so it makes perfect sense. The Ironcops effort has raised over $2 000 000 so far, and I plan to add to the total: My girlfriend hates my mustache. I like my mustache. For $10000, she can shave it off.

Speaking of Triathlons, I'm actually going to Edmonton this morning to get fitted for my new-to-me racing bike... Pictures will be up this evening, I can't wait!

Nerves

2007-01-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm nervous. Not about getting to Depot and the training ahead of me; I'm nervous about the packing and cleaning to get out of my apartment. Dammit, I have a lot of crap!

Run!

2007-01-17T01:51:00.000-07:00

I ran today, inside at the gym. I did 8km total, but I checked some benchmarks as I passed them...
1 1/2 miles 11:30
5 km 24:30
8 km 41:23

If I had kept up my current pace I was holding at the end, I would have finished a 10 km run in about 50 minutes. My previous personal best on a 10k is 54 minutes flat. I really didn't want to go any further - I had only planned an 8k and my heart rate was faster than what it should be for proper training. (I saw 208 bpm at one point. I haven't checked my telemetry to see if it was any higher. My highest ever recorded max was 215 bpm, so I'm way up there. Hell for that matter, my lowest ever resting heart rate was 33. One beat every 2 seconds. That's in the olympic athlete level of resting heart rates - I have a pretty amazing heart. It's funny to watch the expressions on some peoples faces when they take my pulse!)

I'm pretty confident that I will be able to handle whatever running they throw at us in Regina. it's a long ways from where I was 2 years ago when I started getting in shape. I hated running and I sucked to be honest. I think my first time out trying it I managed to get in about 18 minutes and then I just HAD TO STOP! Now I'm thinking about a half marathon this year and a full marathon next year. I am starting into triathlon with dreams of finishing an Ironman - 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run. In 12 hours or less is my goal!

Next goal: strength training.

And it's....GO!!!!!

2007-01-15T15:31:00.001-07:00

OK, As my dearest blogfriend Cat has mentioned, I have been accepted for training at RCMP "Depot" Division, Regina. I only got 3 weeks notice for my start date, so I am really tight for time, hence why I haven't updated my blog since I got the news.

Long story short: the best day of my life (so far!). Now pack and clean, and hurry up!

I did my fitness test again (The dreaded and fearsome PARE test) and I nailed the thing. I slowed down 7 seconds from last year's test, but I wasn't pushing because I am still a little sick with some kind of chest crap. Hall's extra strength got me through. I can tell you that all the running and stairs I have been doing has paid off. I felt way better after the test than I ever have before in any of the 4 times I have run the PARE, partly due to familiarity, but mostly due to training. If you are getting ready for a PARE, run stairs. a lot. Then have a stair sandwich for supper. And then have more stairs for desert. You'll thank me for this advice, trust me.

Now what? Pack and clean my apartment, and get all my stuff into storage. Next Thursday I go to Edmonton for enrolment, Friday I leave and drive half way, Saturday I arrived in Regina, Sunday I start training. Holy SHIT! That is not a lot of time!

I wonder if I can get the weekend off for this...

2006-11-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

21.1 Kilometres. I could see being able to do the distance by then. Only trouble is that race day is April 29th... right in the middle of when I will be in training at Depot. I wonder if they would give me the weekend off... it is a Police event after all.

If not there will be plenty of other half marathons for me to run next summer, but I really want to show up to run the Calgary Police Service half marathon wearing an RCMP t-shirt - REPRESNT, YO!!

I am moving very slowly today...

2006-11-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

Running 17 kilometres will do that to a guy.

I didn't run the whole 17 km, I walked a fair bit probably a Kilometre or Kilometre and a half, but it's still a damned long way. Small wonder I was in agony every time I had to go up the stairs today.

The silly thing is, it's not the kind of training I need to be doing. I need to be doing anerobic training, sprints and stairs, speed work. I have more aerobic base than I need. Once I'm at Depot, I'm only expected to run 15 to 20 KM a week, plus whatever my instructors throw at us.

Molasses in January...

2006-11-14T23:06:00.000-07:00

No arm of the Federal government moves with any speed at all. Thank god the fire departments of this country are not under the control of the feds. But there has finally been a small amount of movement on my file.

The log jam was at the Red Deer Rural detachment. Back in mid June, my file was sent out in snippets to the various detachments aroud the country where I had lived and/or worked. I know for a fact that the last of my former employers and personal references had been contacted by RCMP members as of mid August. Except Red Deer Rural. My two former employers in that area had not been contacted until about a week and a half ago. Don't bother reaching for the calandar, I'll just tip you off - It's now November. I know, I sound bitter, but come on, having a file sitting on your desk for three months growing mildew is not a shining example of professional police work.

So what's next? Acording to Staffing Branch, now that they have my file complete, they call up Health services branch and ask them to jump my file to the top of their inbox. That gets me my admission back to the PARE test:

Yeah, the one that makes my lungs bleed. The good news is that the RCMP pays for this one, all I have to do is show up and run. I'm in much much better shape now than I was a year and a bit ago when I did it the last time. I ran a mile and a half this morning in 11 minutes flat, and I think I can find another 20 or 30 seconds in there somewhere. I also ran a 10km road race a week and a half ago in 54:36. According to some online running resorces, I think I am capable of a 7 minute mile, which is supported by my run this morning and how much I think I can find. Last time I did the pare, I was feeling pretty smooth for averaging a 9 minute mile. So my lungs are in better shape. Things are looking up for the PARE!

Now, once I get the PARE done, they shuffle the papers and decide if and when I'm going to Regina for Depot. My best guess? Early January.

In related news, I had been living with a premonition that I would be going to BC and the Lower Mainland area once I got in, because the proving of BC is desperately short of Mounties. It turns out that right now the RCMP has a deal worked out with K Division (Alberta) because Alberta is so desperately short on Mounties, that any Recruit from Alberta that wants to come back to Alberta is given a slot back here, somewhere. Much better for me, I mean I would like BC, but Lower Mainland on a rookie Constable's salary is pretty tough.

Finally, some information

2006-09-29T14:42:00.000-06:00

In utter frustration, I called Staffing Branch today to find out what was going on with my file... two months since the last of my field enquiries were completed, three months since the last of my medical appointments.

It turns out that my file is still creeping ahead in the process, as of this morning, they were waiting on just one detachment to get off their butts (the exact words of the Recruiting officer) and send in my file... the detachment in question had to do one employment check and one charachter reference (one and the same person, in fact) they have also missed their deadline (called a "Diary Date" in RCMP parlance) twice.

In addition, Health Services Branch has not yet cleared me medically yet either. Three months? OMG, I know people like to go on vacation in the summer, but a little bit better pace could be reasonable to expect, considering that the Edmonton Police Service averages under three months from initial application to acceptance. Ask me how I know... I went and asked their recuiting people! I did toy with the idea a bit, but I've decided to stay with the RCMP process to the end.

The bottom line? If everything goes smoothly and Staffing opens their mail Monday morning to find my last background checks and medical both waiting for them, I will be in Regina come the first or second week in December. Maybe a little earlier, particularly if I can get myself organized and ready to go in case there is an extra spot in an earlier troop. But at least I have a target to work towards now!

2006-07-25T11:02:00.000-06:00

I shot a PPC match last weekend in Lethbridge, and I think I did pretty well!

1st marksman class individual PPC
1st marksman class individual Duty Pistol
1st sharpshooter class team PPC
1st marksman class team Duty Pistol

Some pictures of me in action:

I wan't happy with my score in duty pistol, I thought I did not do nearly as well as I could have, but it was still good enough to win. I shot 1365/1500, or about 15 points off my personal best (1380) that I set at the Red Deer match the weekend previous. My revolver match went much better, I actually set a personal best for that match, even though, or perhaps because, I changed my ammunition to a hotter and faster charge, which seemed to produce better accuracy. Since then though, I actually set a new personal best at leage night last thusday: 1396/1500-30x.

A picture of my duty pistol (Smith & Wesson model 5946, same as the RCMP carry, except mine has a longer barrel to comply with Canadian firearms laws)

A picture of my custom revolver (Smith & Wesson model 10, same as what the RCMP carried for decades before replacement with the 5946; except mine has been very heavily modified for competition use)

I am trading off the 5946 this week for another heavily modified competition pistol, this one will be for a match that I have never fired before, because I have never had the proper equipment. I don't need two 5946s, since the RCMP is going to be thoughtful enough to give me one of my very own (or at least let me borrow it for a while!) this one is surplus to my needs. Thats OK by me, because I don't really care for the Smith & Wesson automatics. They mean well and try hard, but they really ought to stick to revolvers. Their revolvers are the cat's ass. I already have another duty pistol on order, mostly just as a fun pistol since the hard work will be done with the Queen's issue 5946, I am going to get a Sig-Sauer 220R .45 or a Sig-Sauer 226R .40 s&w... Mmmmmm..... Sig! That is what the RCMP just started to buy to replace the 5946 for the tactical teams. Basically the world standard in modern combat pistols as far as I'm concerned. I have been training hard with the 5946, but it's time to get rid of it now. I'll be loving life when I get to training and I have already fired thousands upon thousands of rounds through the exact same model of pistol...

Before I ship it off though, I am going to shoot it one last time, to see where I am relative to the RCMP qualification course... Only difference is that I only have my match ammo for it instead of full power duty ammo that you are supposed to shoot it with, but I am totally not going to spend $75 on ammo just for a shits-and-giggles thing!

The short strokes

2006-07-10T13:28:00.000-06:00

I have done everything. There is nothing more for me to do except sit and wait now, for my medical profile to be assembled and sent to Edmonton, and for my background/security field enquiries to be completed.

My boss at work got called last week by the Constable doing the investigation, and at the end of it, (or so I am told!) she said "Wow, I've heard nothing but good things about this guy. I can't wait to meet him." So aparantly things are going pretty well!

In other news, I shot a pistol match on Saturday with the same pistol the RCMP carries for uniform duty and won my category... actually I shot better than a few people who were two categories up from mine! Qualifying at Regina on all the weapons is going to be fun... I'm not concerned about qualifying yes or no, my goal Distinguished Marksman honours in both pistol and rifle, which means perfect shooting through the 50 shot pistol course (perfect score is 250/250-50X or 50 "bull's eyes" and the 20 shot rifle course.

I need top spend a lot more time on the weights, but my running is coming along nicely... I ran a 10 KM practice run last night in 56 minutes, no slowing down, no walking, just go! That was the first time I've done that distance, so I was pretty happy with that. My end of training goal is to do 10 km in 40 minutes, which is absolutly hauling ass, but there is a lot of miles to be run before I get that fast! Based on how I felt last night at the end of the run, there is definately some more speed to pick up, or I can go for some more distance. I want to do both. I want to be able to do 20 km,0 not in any specific time, but just do it, before I go to Depot. I also want to be at 50 minutes or better on the 10 km run.

I have a lot of other fitness goals to accomplish too. I have a list of all the fitness standards that you have to complete in order to pass. I don't just want to be ablke to meet them, I want to be ar the "Superior" level, and preferably before I get there so that I have one less thing to worry about passing so I can spend more time on academics and I have less chance of getting hurt during Police Defensive Training class.

At some point I also want to spend some time at a race track with a friend of my Dad's who is a former RCMP pursuit driving instructor... rent a Dodge Charger or something and then just bag the piss out of it for a couple of days. My problem is I drive very conservatively, smooth and safe.... police driving is much more aggressive, throwing the car around and hanging it out... don't want the bad guys to out-drive you! I need to get more into that mindset when I get behind the wheel for the first time in Regina so I am not so far behind the 8-ball.

At some point too, I have to find out what edition of the Criminal Code the courses are taught out of, so I can get a copy and get to work studying up on the various acts I will need to learn... I am not hoping to teach myself the course, but it would be nice to have read through it a few times first.

But for now, I just sit and wait.

Faster faster faster!

2006-06-07T10:42:00.000-06:00

OK, so I'm down from the clouds now... Lots of business to attend to.

I talked to a retired RCMP member I know who still works at the local detachment, taking complaints at the front counter. He said that there is a definate push on to get the conditionally accepted files through the backgroud enquiries as quickly as possible, so they are not taking a whole bunch of time to process the files like they were a little while ago.

So that means I have to push on my end with the medical stuff. Heres my next 3 weeks in a nutshell:

This coming Monday: Go to my regular doctor, get a little bit of documentation from about 1999 or 2000, when I tweaked my back. The Mounties need to know that I'm not crippled or anything. While I'm there, I am going to get my ears irrigated to blast the wax out... I am notoriosly bad for producing ear wax. It's a talent. The reason I need to do that? I have a modest amount of hearing loss from working in aviation for so long, so I need all the hearing I have left to pass the audiology exam that is scheduled for tuesday afternoon.

Tuesday also is my bloodwork and ECG appointment. I have to fast for 12 hours to get them done, so I booked it bright and early in the morning so I can just have a late breakfast.

Next Friday, I go to my regular dentist to get a cleaning and all that, got to look good for the RCMP dentist coming up!

At some point I also have to do a chest Xray, but that is just walk in, no need to make an appointment. I think I'll give that one a week or so so my lungs can get over that bug I had last week. Made it a little tough to run when I was coughing.

The following thursday, I get to go to calgary for a visit with the RCMP physician... Joy: poking and prodding.

Wednesday after that, I go to the RCMP dentist, more poking and prodding, and if it's like last time through, also about $300 worth of xrays that they take of the full mouth area for forensic identification purposes!! Happy thought!

Still waiting for the Psychologist to get back to me... I left a voice mail but haven't gotten a call back to make an appointment yet. I have a sneaking suspicion that I may have accidentally been given the doctor's personal voice mailbox istead of her appointment person so I am going to launch a little investigation to see if I can find a different number to make an appointment.

That takes me to June 28th. all the paperwork and reports go in to Staffing, they put it all into the file, and then they slot me into a Troop. By our estimates, I could go to regina as early as (probably late) August at the earliest, end of November or beginning of December at the latest. Holy crap! I'm that close! I only wrote my exam August 8th last year, that could be just 12 months to get in, even including the 4 1/2 months my file was locked down due to my eye surgery! Holy crap!

I'm on my way to Edmonton in a few hours, gonna go watch the Oilers game at my Sister's house. Afterwards, Whyte Ave to take in the notorious "Blue Mile!" If it's like the last time we went down during the Ducks series, there were about a million cops standing almost shoulder to shoulder in some areas, about 10' apart in other areas, just watching the crowd... I'm sure they were just a little weirded out by me checking out their gear, looking at the way they have their duty belts set up.... My brother in law went with me and I'm sure he was wondering what the hell I was talking about as I mentioned all this stuff about how this car was kitted out, how that officer was carrying that piece of gear, etc.

This time I expect to see some RCMP and Camrose police service in the mix, besides just EPS, because the Edmonton Force is so overwhelmed by the 4 rounds of celebrating that they need to exercise their mutual aid agreements to get some extra hands on the job.

More details

2006-06-02T18:06:00.000-06:00

OK, so here's the 411.

I have been offered conditional acceptance into the Cadet training program at "Depot" division, Regina. What this means is that they still haven't done the medical, dental or psych screening yet, and they haven't done my background or security field investigations either. Those all have to come back with the ol' green light before I actually get a final acceptance letter. But that is all a slam dunk. So for all intents and purposes, I'm in.

My letter says that I am able to anticipate leaving for Regina by the end of Fall '06. exact date to be determined by how long it takes to get everything all done.

Here's how my week went... Monday I picked up the final letter from my optometrist saying that all was well with my eye. I faxed it down to Staffing Branch in Calgary Tuesday morning, and then at yesterday, I got my letter, dated tuesday, offering me conditional acceptance... with a form to sign and return if I wanted to accept. Xpress posted that yesterday afternoon, delivered this morning. So, my file goes to the municipal detachment of the RCMP next, where a Constable will be assigned to get the dirt on my sordid past (snicker! the polygraph interviewer told me I needed to get out more! There is no dirt to be had!)

until that is done, I will be busy scheduling the medical part of things, and starting to investigate all the options for a mini-storage place, for all my stuff while I'm in Regina, and of course shopping for cool duty gear. The guy who dies with the most stuff on his Sam Browne wins! I am in the market for a bunch of stuff like cut resistant search gloves, fancy nightstick holsters, the latest handcuff pouches, all that good stuff!! I am such a gear whore!

I'M IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-01T13:05:00.000-06:00

I'm gonna be a Mountie! I'm gonna be a Mountie!!

I'M IN, I'M IN, I'M IN!!!! HOLY JUMPIN JESUS GODDAMN CHRIST I'M IN!!

I will write more tomorrow when I stop vibrating! I am on such a high right now... I have been planning for this moment since February 14 1997.......

You've got mail!

2006-05-11T18:24:00.000-06:00

Another letter from staffing branch in this evening's mail delivery... This time advising me that in order to proceed to my final medical (Holy crap, I'm now at a phase referred to as "Final") I need to have my eye doctor submit a report stating that all is well post-op from my surgery.

Just in case you are wondering, what they need to know is that I am:
- 20/60 vision in each eye or 20/40 in one eye and 20/100 in the other
- there are no corneal opacities, double vision, halo or glare problems and the ansence of such problems are documented.
- Night vision has been formally tested and found to be normal.

Three months is up in 4 more days and the best way to describe my vision is "perfect" I have recomended several people I know to get the surgery themselves, even. These requirements are a slam dunk. As soon as they get this letter, my file will get sent to the field enquiries for my background check, which is what will take the most time of the remaining steps.

Bottom line: I better kick it into high gear at the gym to make sure I'm ready! Time to start running stairs again!

RCMP recruiting in Alberta is becoming a Target Rich Environment

2006-04-29T09:19:00.000-06:00

Alberta Budget 2006-07: The highlights
Last updated Mar 22 2006 05:28 PM MST
CBC News

# Money is provided for up to 80 more RCMP officers, more prosecutors and a 20-member organized crime surveillance team.

Footnote on this: Last year the Alberta government added another 100 new positions on its provincial contract. For all intents and purposes those positions are rumored to be unfilled as yet due to attrition rates not keeping up.

PUBLICATION: The Ottawa Citizen
DATE: 2006.04.27
BYLINE: Janice Tibbetts
SOURCE: The Ottawa Citizen

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Law and order will be high on spending list: More Mounties, stronger
border to be part of tough-on-crime budget

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Harper government's first budget is expected to include a major cash
infusion to hire new Mounties and other police officers, using a
combination of new money and funds diverted from the federal gun
registry.

The Conservatives are keeping the dollar amount under wraps in the days
leading up to the May 2 budget, but law-and-order groups expect more
than $100 million and possibly up to $180 million if the government
makes good on an array of election promises.

The election platform called for hiring 1,000 RCMP officers with money
saved from the gun registry, which currently costs about $80 million
annually.

Jay Hill, a Conservative MP and the party's whip, told the Prince George
Free Press this week that reallocating money from the gun registry to
the RCMP is a major priority in next week's budget.

...

Mr. Day also suggested this week that the RCMP would be happy with the
coming budget, and that there would be money for "programs to prevent
crime and youth at risk."

...

While money for the RCMP is expected to be a big-ticket budget item,
Sgt. Martin Blais, an RCMP spokesman, would not speculate on how the
money would be spent, or even how much it would cost to recruit and
train 1,000 new officers.

"At this time, we haven't come up with an estimate," he said. "You can't
just add up 1,000 base salaries."

Although there has been speculation that the Conservatives intend to
reopen RCMP detachments near the U.S. border in Quebec that were closed
by the Liberals, Sgt. Blais said it is up to the RCMP to determine how
new money will be spent.

And I saw something about BC coughing up the cash for 215 new RCMP positions on their provincial contract.

One thing I was told by the RCMP recruiter that presented my information session last July was that Alberta (Known officially as "K" division) has taken the option of basically Right of First Refusal to every single recruit that is generated from within the province. Basically, if there are open spots in Alberta, K Div has the right to ask for anybody that came from here to come back here. Only fair since their budget and resources went to getting that member into the Force!

Not such a bad thing... I like getting my RalphBucks cheques!

No cards, no calls, no letters?

2006-04-18T22:04:00.000-06:00

I called the Mounties today. The stress was getting to be a little much - my polygraph was almost 3 weeks ago, why the fuck haven't they called, sent a singing telegram, pony express, fax or email?? It was killing me.

So I called. (Paraphrased here)

"Hi, this is Kyle, I have an open file with you and I was wondering if I could get an update on my progress - I haven't heard anything since my polygraph"

"Just a sec, I'll look at your file" Click, on hold.

Click. Back. "you haven't gotten a letter yet?"

"No, ma'am."

"just a sec" Click. On hold.

Still on hold.

They should consider elevator music, holding is boring.

Holding...

My blood pressure is measured in decibels cause I'm still on hold...

FOR THE LOVE OF TIMBITS WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY POLYGRAPH I DON'T EVEN LITTER IPROMISEIWILLNEVEREVERDOAROLLINGSTOPAGAINJUSTPLEASEPICKUPTHEPHONE!!!!!

Click. Back. "So you had eye surgery in February, correct?"

"Yes, Ma'am"

"OK, they didn't send you a letter out because your file is flagged as being on hold until three months is up, so they were just going to wait until then to send you the information for the opthamologist, then your file will go to medical and background checks. But you passed your polygraph."

PHEW! I can breathe again!

I got a little bit more information about some of the related stuff I needed to know, then I needed a break and to blow off some steam, so I loaded up a couple of rifles and one of my competition handguns and headed off to the shooting range for the rest of the afternoon to waste the rest of my day off

Rollin, rollin, rollin; keep them Mounties rollin'!

2006-03-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

Another call today... this time the recruiting officer called to let me know that they had reviewed my selection interview (all is well) and it's now time to book the polygraph. March 30th. (My neice's birthday, coincidentally!)

I am a fundamentally honest person. to the point of stopping at red lights at 4 am when I am the only car for a bazillion miles. Why the hell am I so nervous about the stupid polygraph?? Click me! Click me, too!

PASSED!!!!!

2006-03-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

BooYAH!!

Just got back from Calgary... 3 1/2 hours in the process from start to finish, but I got it done, and I'm moving on to the polygraph!

I was a little weak in some areas, but I got through it.

I would like to get into it a little more about what it was like, but the Official Secrets Act says I can't, along with a statement I had to sign promising not to talk about it. I could tell you, but then I'd have to shoot you! :P

Nerves!

2006-03-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

My interveiw is tuesday morning. I wasn't nervous before. I am now.

I've done it before. I have the experience to be a top drawer recruit. I can do this. I am going to kick its ass. I am going to kick its ass. I am going to kick its ass!

A bitter anniversary

2006-03-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today is March 3rd, the one year anniversary of the murder of 4 young officers of the Mayerthorpe and Whitecourt detachments of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, near Rochfort Bridge, Alberta. Please take a moment today to pause and remember these men, who gave their lives in the service of all Canadians so that we can enjoy a peaceful and safe society. Please leave your porch lights on tonight as a symbol of remeberance, as well, please call or EMail your MP and ask for their support for judicial reform, so that habitual and career criminals are kept where they belong, in jail.

In eternal gratitude:
Cst. Brock MYROL
Cst. Anthony GORDON
Cst. Lionide (Leo) JOHNSON
Cst. Peter SCHIIMANN
03 March 2005

They shall not grow old,
As we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them,
Nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun,
And in the morning;
We will remember them.

Good news!

2006-02-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

Had my 1 week followup today. Got a clean bill of eye health, and the vision test was kinda surprising... I tested at 20/15, which means that someone with "perfect vision" would have to be at 15 feet away to have the resolution that I have from 20 feet. I think I could have got the 20/10 line even, but I am still way better than expectations!

Saturday was a busy day...

2006-02-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

Well.

First I apologise for posting an update about Saturday on Monday. I didn't want to upset anyone by posting in a timely manner. Just deal with it, OK?? :P

My first followup appointment with my local eye doctor went well, My vision was about 20/30, wich is good for 3 days after surgery. My epithelium is almost (99%) healed, just one little spot left. I am now off of almost all of my medicated eye drops, but it still burns a little. I was supposed to have the doc take out my bandage contact lens, too, but he couldn't do that, cause it had fallen out overnight. And I thought it was just that I had adjusted to the thing finally. Oops. :)

Then after I got back from the eye doc's, I got a call from the RCMP, they wanted to book my first interview. March 7th! It will be a retired RCMP officer who does the interview, who works on contract, so the operational officers are left to do operational duties. They used to also have retired members do the background inquiries, too, but that process was returned to regular officers a little while ago. This will be the first interview, I have to go to the Calgary headquarters building for it, "Southern Alberta District" they now call it. M'eh. Calgary Subdivision was just fine, thanks. The second interview will be the polygraph, and that will be booked sometime after I pass the first interview. This one is about suitability and selection, the polygraph is about security and reliability.

I love the smell of deep-fried eyeballs in the morning...

2006-02-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

... It smells like mounties!

Tuesday was the pre-op appointment. I went in with a tech for some measurements: first a corneal map, then a wavefront analysis, then they tried for an ultrasound measurement of my corneal thickness. Tried. The way that works is they stick a probe that looks like the end of a pen onto the surface of the eye then get a reading. it didn't work. twice. It sucked. Fortunately I didn't really need that test since I only had a very small amount of correction, which means a very small amount of cornea to remove, i.e.thickness was not a factor. Thank god. Then it was off for the dialation, so I got to sit and wait for it to kick in for a bit, not too long, they use a faster acting solution than my local optometrist does, and then a doctor (opthamologist I think) got to have a go at me. The usual routine, like every time you go for a checkup, "better 1 or 2?" lights, depth perception, all that stuff. In all it took a little under 2 hours, and then we were done.

I had the surgery wednesday... I had a hell of a time sleeping, partly from nerves, partly because the couple in the apartment above me were celebrating valentines day... Got up early and had breakfast, then my Dad drove over and picked me up for the drive down. The weather was a little skosh, but not that bad. It's winter in Canada, what did you expect? I showed up 40 minutes early at the clinic and checked in, they went through the medication that I have to take with me, and gave me a name tag to put on my right side of my chest. Double patients put theirs in the middle, but mine is only for the right eye, so mine goes on the right. One less way to screw up. First thing was the meeting with the surgeon, then back out to wait some more. I got led into the room after a while, sat down in a supersized version of a dentist's chair and they tipped me back, then tracked the seat over laterally to sit under a special microscope. I chatted with the nurses/physician's assistants/techs/whatever they were for 10 minutes or so, then the surgeon came in and it was time to get to work. She put an eyelid retractor thing on my eye, she called it a speculum, I called it a car jack; then they put a few different types of drops in to freeze the eye. Then they put some sort of, um, puck over my eye, I'm not sure what it was, then it was time for the Laser. I stared at the red and green lights, and then the unit powered up and then when it was emiting it made a snapping, arcing sound... kinda like a clicking noise I could smell the eyeball burning away.... not really burning, because it's a cold laser, but there was a smell of burnt hair coming from my eye. 14.7 seconds later, it's over. The puck was removed and a couple of more drops went in, then a bandage contact lens, the car jack came out, and then I was done. They sat me up and then out into the waiting room and I got to sit in a very nice lazy boy for a bit, and a bottle of custom labeled "gimbel water" while they waited to see how bad I was in shock (I was, but not bad at all - you wouldn't think something like this would affect the whole body, but it does put you a little bit into shock) I had gotten myself pretty stressed and worked myself up with the whole thing (hey, it's my eyes! You are gonna cook the front of em while I'm still trying to use them!!!) I had taken a sedative pill that morning and they gave me stress balls to squeeze, but the ease of the procedure was almost a let down. I got my sunglasses on, went downstairs to the pharmacy to get my collection of eye drops and Tylenol-3's and then we were on the way home. I have a collection of eyedrops of every description - there is a steroid, an antibiotic, a kind with ASA (Asprin) in it, and 3 kinds of artificial tears. I have to use this special kind that is preservative free every 15 minutes, a gel kind for sleeping, and then the plain old OTC ones for after I have the bandage lens out. When I'm sleeping I have to use the gel drops, and then tape a plastic sheild over the eye so I don't pop out the contact accidently. Only until Saturday, fortunately.

On Thursday we were back down in Calgary again, this time for the followup visit. I got another visual acuity test - this time it was 20/30 in that eye, much better than usual for 24 hours after surgery, or so they told me. Then I just hook up a garden hose to my eye full of eye drops...

On Saturday I have an appointment to get my bandage lens out, but not in Calgary, only with my regular eye doctor.

I have been seeing my vision fluctuate since the surgery. Fuzzy - clear - fuzzy - clear. It is supposed to take about 6 weeks to stabilize fully. I can start going to the gym any time, I just have to wear a sweat band, and I have to be careful how I wash my face in the shower - can't get soap in it. I should be able to drive again, too, once my bandage lens comes out. I'm off work until next Friday to recover and then I have to wear safety glasses to help protect the eye while I'm at work.

On the way!

2006-02-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

I am a few minutes away from leaving for Calgary to see the eye surgeon. My surgery is tomorrow, and I have to get another dialated assesment, so my pupils will be the size of a hubcap, and they are going to do a corneal mapping and wavefront analysis. Click here! I won't be able to get onto the computer for a couple of days, the docs say that I can't read, watch TV or use the computer tomorrow. So I'm posting today in advance. I'll give a full play by play when I get back on the computer later this week. Until then... :)

2006-02-08T20:16:00.000-07:00

I got some of my application back from the mounties the other day. I did not fill out the security clearance form to their satisfaction. I neglected to put the street address on for an employer and a camp in a town (Norman Wells NWT) where nobody uses addresses and similar type of things. I called the Norman Wells detachment and asked them for the addresses I needed. Of course they were happy to help out, but when they looked them up on the computer (they just know where the locations are, why worry about addresses??) the stupid thing started to chug and took forever to come up with an answer. The Constable I talked to told me that when you press the enter key, the query and response travel by dogsled! Hey, it's a government computer, why should they be fast either? Two typed pages and then it was back in the mail. It is going to be three more months before it is actually looked at with serious intent - I have that time line form the recuiting branch Constable I talked to the other day. Once I have my laser surgery next week I am officially on hold for three months, not counting the interviews.

I also got a letter from them at the same time saying I had advanced to the interview stage. I now have to get ready for the structured interviews sometime in the not too distant future. The preparation is pretty severe in itself, Those and the polygraph will get done in the time that I am on hold.

I also stopped by the detachment here in town and got the name of the Emergency Response Team (SWAT) commander, so I can ask him for the physical training standards that they have to meet - why just meet the basic requirements for Depot, when you can blow them out of the water?

More progress...

2006-01-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

I spoke to the Constable from the Calgary recruiting office again today, I wanted to confirm with her that she got my fax with my sye surgery date on it. (Which is going to be February 15th, by the way) I talked to her for a few minutes about what lies ahead, and she told me that she is going to kick my file over to the interview stage, so sometime next week when the Steno gets back to work she will send out a letter confirming that I have made the interview stage, then an interviewer will call me sometime in February to arrange a mutually convenient time for us to sit down and chat (FOUR HOURS OF MENTAL PAIN!!!) then the polygraph. The structured interviews are possibly done here in Red Deer, possibly in Calgary, we will see how the cookie crumbles. The polygraph will be in Calgary.

Once three months from my surgery date passes, I send off a letter from my opthamologist or the surgeon, I'm not sure which, stating that I am good to go, and then my file moves over to the background inquiry and security/reliability checks.

So the long and the short of it? More waiting. Lots more. Hey, this is the federal government we're dealing with, what did you expect? :P

That messed me up!!

2006-01-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

Well the good news is I can once again be in a fully lit room without wincing in pain.

I couldn't do that for most of yesterday or Friday night. I had a "Dialated Assesment" for my eye surgery on Friday after work. The optometrist I go to in town put a set of eye drops in that anesthetized my eyes and then dialated my pupils completely so he could take a look at the full surface of my retina. Results: 100% good to go! So now I wait for the surgeon (Gimbel Eye Clinic Calgary) to call me this week to make the appointments - which will hopefully be in late February or early March.

More good news - I was at the gym today and did both cardio and weights! That's first time I have done both since I recovered from my lung inflammation. I ran last week for half an hour - just a light run since I haven't done any real running since November and I did some weights another day last week. Now I have to start ramping up my performance level to recover the conditioning that I have lost and then start making some forward yardage. I think that since the laser surgery will delay my entrance to Depot, I have that much more time to improve my fitness to that much higher levels. I want to be able to run a mile and a half in 10 minutes flat or under, I want to be able to do 5 km in under 20 minutes, and a lot of other high end performance goals - all grossly exceeding the minimums set by the RCMP and also exceeding the "Excellent" benchmarks as well.

Cheap sunglasses!

2005-12-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

I booked an appointment for a referral assesment for PRK today. I cancelled the LASIK appointment - I decided I really didn't want the flap cut in my eyeball. I talked to a different clinic in Calgary that does both LASIK and PRK and they suggested that PRK was the better option for me, considering the fact that I shoot 10,000 to 15,000 rounds a year (impacts are not good for LASIK - the flap can be dislodged or wrinkle, which aparantly hurts like a mofo!) and it is also suggested for police applicants as the best option. Lower surgical risk, as well.

The surgery date will only be a couple weeks later than at the first outfit, too. So for my birthday, I want a pair of cheap sunglasses!

This has been a real up and down week.

2005-12-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

So on monday, I got ahold of Staffing branch in Calgary. To no one's surprise, I am out of limits on my glasses. So my file is on hold for now.

I went to the doctor on tuesday and got a steroid inhaler to clear up my lungs, so I can start running again soon

Wednesday I went to a different optometrist to get a second go at the RCMP, but I'm still out of limits.

Thursday I got a call back from the opthalmic surgeon about getting laser surgery. The RCMP Reference Opthamologist does LASIK surgery, and I have booked a surgery date for February 27th - the day after my birthday. Problem is, I'm not comfortable with LASIK - It's not supposed to be a good idea for people who participate in impact sports (I shoot 10000-15000 rouds a year between pistol and rifle! that's a lot of impacts!) and I just don't like the idea of the "Flap and Zap" I'm going to try to find a PRK surgeon instead, but I'll keep this appointment for now.

Once I have a date finalized for my surgery, the RCMP will send me to interviews, and then I will have to wait 3 months after the surgery to go any further. So rough guess? A year from now I could be entering Depot.

Waiting, waiting...

2005-12-03T15:56:00.000-07:00

I got a call back from the recruiting office last week. I actually got a voice mail, not a call. Something about my vision. I returned the call, but I haven't gotten a reply back yet because the Constable who called me was on training this week. I'll call her again monday morning before work.

I am waiting for an improvement in my lungs too. My doctor told me to cool it for a while while my lungs healed. Originally he though that it was a viral infection, but so far I am not getting any better, and I have not been training at all so I am getting restless. I am going to have to go back and book a lung transplant here soon.

One final thing, today is the Third day of the month, so please leave your porch light on tonight in memory of the four officers killed at Rochefort Bridge AB on 03 Mar 05.

And now we wait some more.

2005-10-30T20:02:00.001-07:00

I mailed off my package to Calgary finally, on Thursday. According to Canada Post, it was succesfully delivered Friday morning some time.

So I'm sure you can imagine I am now sitting here drumming my fingers on my desk, looking at my phone, waiting for it to ring. Well, not really, but you get my point - I am now waiting for the package to get processed and dropped in someone's in basket, where it will go to the bottom of the pile, before it is sent to someone for either the polygraph screening or the suitability and security interviews. Either one, I'm not sure which will happen first. The polygraph is pretty new, and I have gotten conflicting reports about which comes first.

But for now, we wait.

Interesting...

2005-10-25T17:00:00.000-06:00

According to my stats, a person used an official RCMP web portal to access my site last week.

Hi guys!

You might be watching me, but I'm watching you do it...

Sharing is caring

2005-10-22T16:10:00.000-06:00

I wish I was a bat.

Then I could sleep hanging upside down, which would cause all the crap to drain out of my lungs, and I could then breathe properly.

I have been coughing and hacking up all sorts of fun stuff since Wednesday night.

God I hate the PARE!

Another step done.

2005-10-20T03:53:00.000-06:00

First of, WTF am I doing up at 3:30 in the morning? I cannot sleep at all tonight, so I figured I'd come on here and let everybody know how my PARE went.

I had a little bit of a fuck-up getting to the test... Not like I got lost on the way there, I managed to forget my medical clearnce form at home when I left for the college (where they do the testing) Fortunately, I realized my mistake in plenty of time, but by the time I drove all the way across the city and got it, then drove back, I only had about 10 minutes to spare. No wonder my heart rate was a little elevated when they did my pre test "is he gonna have a heart attack" check of pulse and blood pressure.

There were about 10 or 12 people taking the test, so they walked everybody through it to explain everything and where the penalties were etc. Five of us had run it before, so they let all of us go first so we could get out of there a little faster. I went first. I had a pretty good run, I made the jumps with a lot less problems than when I did my practice run. I made a few changes to my strategy this time: I took the stairs 2 and 3 at a time, at the far pylon after the stairs, instead of running in around it, I just made a quick sort of shuffle reverse.... I got to the pylon and threw the binders on like stopping on skates, sort of sideways, then take off the other way. THe most important strategy change I made was taking it a little easier on the first two laps, then opening up towards the end. I saw a few people just given'er hell, but by the fourth lap, they were having a hell of a time. Going hard at the beginning is not bright: you might pick up 3 or 4 seconds a lap on the first two, but on the last 4 laps you are loosing 5 or 10 seconds a lap because you are so damn tired.

The minimum standard to pass and go to Regina is 4:45, to graduate is 4:00. I have been training to exceed the standards (who the hell wants to be just barely good enough, anyways?) so my goal has always been 3:45 - a full minute faster than I have to be.

My time was 3:44.

Needless to say, I have to give some serious thanks to my trainer, Tasha. She is kick ass! Without her setting me up, helping me along with some advice, setting me up for a practice run, and everything else she has done for me, I would never have done so well. Experience and knowledge are so critically important in getting ready for this test. I see my stats every week from my blog, and what search terms are bringing people here, and it is almost always some variation of PARE, getting ready for the PARE, etc. all I can say to you is get a good trainer, preferably someone who knows what the pare is all about: Tasha ocasionally helps administer the test. Knowledge is power, so spend the money on getting a program set up right! Cardio is king getting ready for this thing, so be able to do full power sprints in at least two and a half minute intervals, run a lot of stairs, and train a lot! I have been getting ready for this thing since february, and I have gone from pudgy wannabe to well, slightly less pudgy wannabe with a sweet time in my pocket!

Cardio preparation is critically important to this test. That being said, if you don't have a balanced resistance program going at the same time, you'll never make it through either; because the controlled falls that you have to do (10 in total) will take a lot longer to get up off the mat and get moving again. The fight stage where you do the push/pull on the weights to simulate physically controlling a suspect takes a lot of upper body strength - you need to have a deep reserve of power to hold the push in and get though all six arcs. The pull is not so bad, you can step back from the machine with the weights and go, but pushing is a lot harder, especially the way the push handle is set up, it will flop back and forth, left to right. In order for the arc to count, the handle has to stay in the middle, in control. You can't "steer" the handle into the side of the track - that would brake the handle from releasing, making it easier, so they don't let you do that any more.

So that being all said... I have been coughing all night tonight - my lungs were full of fluid before I started, now it feels like I am drowning on dry land. I think I was getting a little bit sick to start with. I used a breathe-right strip to keep my air flow up during the test - I am surprised how I had to be reminded to breathe as I was running. I popped an extra strength Halls as soon as I was done too, to open up my airway a little more. I was so short on air about 8 o'clock that I got into a major hiccup fit. You just wouldn't imagine that less than 4 minutes of exertion would fuck you this hard, but there it is. I guess that's why they make you see a doctor before you run it and even then they check your blood pressure and pulse before and after - and then they won't let you start or won't let you leave until you are within safe limits.

So what's next for me? I have a lot of paperwork to finish in the next couple of days, then I can send it off. One of the guys I did the test with today said it took him 7 months from the time he got his package to get to where he is, waiting to be slotted into a troop at Regina. That should be a pretty good indicator for me, too. If all goes well, I could be heading to Depot by about May or so. Then, 5 and a half months of training, and by this time next year, I could be a sworn member of the RCMP. I think that has a lot to do with why I can't sleep tonight - doing that test today not only took a lot out of me physically, but it kinda highlights that this is real, not just a paper exercise anymore.

Getting it done!

2005-10-15T11:37:00.000-06:00

OK.... things are looking better! I have my first aid ticket in hand, I have my medical clearance for the PARE and I am looking like things are coming together now!

I ran last night, didn't do any strength training though. I pounded out 5 miles in 45 minutes flat! That is an average of 9 minutes per mile, and to think that when I started working out in February, I couldn't even hit a 9 minute mile! I think that 45:00 is even better than the benchmark once you are in training, too... Not bad! I have to get myself a time on a 3 mile run and see where that comes in. I am having trouble with the mile and a half run though (what is called the Cooper Run at Depot Division) I can't get much below 12:00, and the benchmark is 10:40. That is a lot of time to shave off. I can hit the par time per lap and keep it up for about 5 laps, but the full run would be 8 laps. got to keep working on that one.

I have my PARE test on Wednesday afternoon.

This is what I have to look forward to:

Run six laps of that, then 70 pounds on the push/pull station, all in 4:45 (my personal goal is 3:45); wait one minute for the heart to catch up, then untimed 80 lbs deadweight carry. I am not too panicked, I did it in 4:09 unofficially last month. My trainer has got me in pretty good shape!

That's a lot of work

2005-10-13T22:54:00.000-06:00

So. Here's a progress check. Today and tomorrow is my standard first aid/level C CPR course. I am also in progress on getting my references aligned.

Yesterday I got my eyes checked - Fortunately withing limits, I was kinda worried about that. I got my fingerprints taken, but I think they used the wrong version of the form. I went to my family doctor to get my clearance to take the physical abilities test (not like it's going to be a big deal, I ran it last month and passed it, just for fun, and I didn't die from it) but the Doc wants to have a cholesterol test first, because the clearance form asks if I have a cholesterol problem. I did a typing test - aparantly I can do 32.6 words per minute, with zero errors! I only need 18 WPM to get in.

Daily summary, 4 tasks completed, 1 added. Groan.

Tuesday I got my PARE test booked, next Wednesday at 3:30 PM! I also got my drivers abstract and transcripts from the college ordered, and made all the apointments for the rest of the week. The force does not give you a lot of time to get this paperwork accomplished, so to any potential recruits out there that are reading ths, HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!

In addition to all the tasks I am running around acomplishing, I am also keeping up with my PT routine. About 5 days a week right now. I actually have to log my PT so at any time Staffing Branch can call me up and have me fax them off my log. I have a printed program for my weight training to refer to (the benefit of working with a professional trainer!) so I can basically check the boxes for that form.

My polygraph exam is going to be a nightmare! I have never been so intimidated before in my life! There are some pretty probing questions in there, trying to find out exactly what time of person you are. And what are you going to do, lie to them?? The RCMP is the last major force in Canada to adopt the polygraph for recruit screening. I really wish I had been about 3 or 4 months earlier in applying, then I wouldn't have to worry about it, it is that new. At the end of the day, the thing is like the said in my recruiting breifing that I attended prior to writing the exam. "Nobody is an angel, nobody is perfect. Let us make the determination if that thing in your past is a big deal or not." I suppose that there isn't really anything in my past that most people, including most cops, haven't done. I truly don't have anything to hide. Sure, there are a few episodes in my life that I am less than proud of, but it's not like I am a fugitive from anything. That's the next thing I have to get done, fill out that damned thing.

Actually, after I get my course done tomorrow, that will be all I have to get done - fill out paperwork. Fortunately, with all my previous experience in aviation I speak fluent Federalese, and I am pretty good at dealing with paperwork. My general plan is to get my PARE certificate on Wednesday, then pop it in the envelope as the last item to go, and drive it down by hand thursday morning. Which means that a week from right now, I will be sitting down trying to get ready for the selection interview.

Busted.

2005-10-06T22:38:00.000-06:00

So, I am house sitting right now... I still haven't found an apartment to get out of here, now that my parents are back from their vacation. My mother is so pissed at me right now. She got the mail in this morning. My full application package from the mounties was in there. I am in SHIT! Oh yeah, and I still have to find an apartment too.

I was hoping that the wheels of buraucracy would run a little slower and I could get my address changed before the package came, but no such luck. Oh well, it had to happen some time.

I'm in even deeper shit now too, since I am supposed to be leaving for a week to go hunting in BC, and they want everything returned by November 1st. That is a whole lot of paperwork to do between now and then. My hunting trip is in jeapordy right now.

Well, tomorrow I had better call and start booking the appointments for all the paperwork.

I hope everyone remembered to turn on their porch lights last night

2005-10-04T17:40:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, the families of the four officers murdered at Mayerthorpe on 03 March had requested all Canadians who want to see judicial reform leave their porch lights on from 8 to 10 last night.

There was also a vigil of sorts here in town - two of the four officers were from Red Deer. I attended and spoke to Cst. Myrol's fiance and his father. They are part of an effort to have the judicial system in Canada fixed (or at least start us down the path toward it.

Their efforts are centered around basic things like meaningful sentences for criminals, abolition of concurrent sentencing, building more jails so there is a place to keep the poeple who can't live by societey's rules away from society. Common sense stuff huh? Basically, treat criminals like criminals. The families are meeting with Paul Martin, Justice minister Irwin Colter and Deputy PM Anne McLellan on 23 Oct. They will be presenting their arguments at that time, and will be telling the Canadian public the results at that time.

Phew!!

2005-09-15T21:35:00.000-06:00

So I managed to get the message out to my dad about the exam results coming back. He is out of town right now, camping with my mom... My mom has absolutely no idea that I am applying for the Mounted Police. When she does find out, she is going to come completely unhinged at me, I just know it.

How do I know it? well,about a year ago, I mentioned rather casually to her that I would like a framed set of prints like my father's, depicting three Sergants of the Mounted Police from the NWMP, RNWMP and RCMP. That launched her into an hour long tirade about how I should never be a cop, people want to kill you and then look what happened to Mike Ferguson, etc. etc., over and over.

Which is why my father and I have been rather cloak and daggar when we talk about my application status. We almost got busted last week when they were here, Dad and I were talking in the bedroom (right next to my gun lockers) and my mother came in, so we just shifted topics midstream. My mother later asked me "so do you and dad have some sort of secret? You stopped talking when I came in the room earlier" No mom, we were talking about my rifles for the big hunting trip next month... good save. Maybe. I'm not so sure that she bought it.

It has made for some careful, if peculiar conversations. when I called my dad yesterday, I told him to talk to me about the procedure to clean the gas jets in the barbecue because it wasn't heating properly. One side of the conversation is barbecues, the other side is my letter from staffing. all summer as they were on their trip when I wanted to talk to him about my application, I told my mother that "the lawnmower is acting up, can I talk to dad, please?"

One day I will have to tell her. With any luck, the conversation will go something like this:

"Bye mom, I'm leaving for Regina now. See you in six months!"

The upside to all of this is I can probably milk her paranoia to my own personal gain. I want a better bulletproof vest than what the force issues. I disagree with the concept of the overt, flack jacket style of vest. I think it looks like you are looking for a fight. I think a concealable vest is a better choice for duty use, that goes under the shirt. I also want a stronger vwest than is issued, too. There is a new vest out on the market the last couple of years called Dragon Skin which will actually stop a lot of armour piercing rifle rounds, and is availiable in a concelable carrier version. I want one. I can milk mom's fears into buying me one of those, I'm sure - she bought my dad a vest for his birthday one year back in the day before the force started issuing vests.

HOT DAMN!!!

2005-09-14T16:17:00.000-06:00

Right now I'm having a hell of a time typing this because my hands are shaking so badly - I just opened the letter from RCMP Staffing and Recruiting branch.

My exam results.

yup, the one that decides who goes on and who goes home. The one that also decides how far up the list you are when they pick which applicants are going to get application packages and when.

The scoring is done on a grade point scale, with 5.00 as the maximum. The bare pass mark on this exam is 3.20.

I need a drum roll for this part, so I request of you, dear reader, that you please provide one by drumming on your computer desk.......

are you drumming? I cant hear you, do it louder!!!

My mark was 4.11 out of 5.00

What that means is that I am advancing in the process, so I should anticipate getting my full application package soon and that the PARE test is coming up right away! I also need to get a typing test done (minimum 18 wpm) and I need to get my first aid/CPR renewed right away.

I had also better start getting ready for the Regular Member Selection Interview. have you ever had a job interview that lasts for four hours?? That's something I have to look forward to! At least they give you a preparration guide that walks you through it step by step so you can prepare for it.

My lungs are bleeding!

2005-09-01T18:49:00.000-06:00

Holy shit, batman.

I did a practice run on the PARE test on tuesday night. I can still feel it in my lungs two days later. Oh my FREAKING god is that ever hard on the body.

The good news is I got an unofficial time of 4:09, comfortably within the limit of 4:45 for new recruits. That is also good considering I did it with the full Constable weights instead of the lighter recruit weights. I will have to shave 10 seconds off my time in order to graduate from Depot but then, my goal is to be at 3:45 before I even go to Regina.

I did this unofficial run to test myself and my preparations thus far, so I could tune up my training before I have to complete the test for real. The testing staff at the college thought I was nuts for doing it voluntarily. I think they're right. So far my training has been a success: 9 years ago (when I applied last time) I could taste blood every time I exhaled for 4 days afterwards. So far I have not tated blood, but it does feel like there is a lot of fluid in my lungs. I didn't do any cardio this morning at the gym because of that beyond a quick 5 minute warmup (that I normally pace myself out to 6 minutes for when I run) but I will have to run tomorrow morning.

A summary of what I learned from this:
a) run more stairs
b) run more intervals
c) pick up the intensity of my Continuous Pace training

A few technique points that were pointed out to me as well is to take the stairs 2 or 3 at a time, to shave off as much as 20 or 30 seconds from my time, vice hitting every stair going up and down. I also need to be more careful during the push/pull stage to avoid losing any time to penalties.

In other news: It has now been 3 1/2 weeks since I wrote the exam. Still no results. Why can't the results come any faster???

On the ball!

2005-08-11T08:10:00.000-06:00

I got my letter from the recruiting section yesterday, telling me to show up on Monday for my exam.

Thanks guys!

A new beginning

2005-08-09T23:29:00.000-06:00

This post represents a new beginning in a couple of ways.

I am re-starting this blog with a new goal: To document my progress through the RCMP recruit selection process.

That also signifies another new beginning, career wise: I am sincerely hoping that within 6-12 months, if all goes well, I will be departing from my present employment and into the Mounted Police.

I have been working towards this for about 3 years now... I bought two pistols: the first, solely for the purpose of learning to shoot handguns better, and then I bought the second because it is a street legal version of the one the RCMP issues to it's constables. (mine has a slightly longer barrel than theirs to comply with Canadian law. The RCMP's are actually prohibited status because they are too short) I have been on a fitness program since the end of January to prepare for the PARE test (Physical Ability Requirements Evaluation)

Last night I attempted the first primary obstacle: The RCMP Police Aptitude Battery. I can't actually give any details of the exam because they are protected documents (there are actually only two officers in all of southern Alberta that are allowed to even see the exam!!) It is a very specialized personality profile/IQ test/thinking skills test/etc. The questions are TOUGH! From the RCMP recruiting web site: The test is designed to evaluate your potential aptitude for police work. The test measures seven skills that are essential in completing the duties of a police officer. These skills include Composition (Spelling, Grammar, and Vocabulary), Comprehension, Memory, Judgement, Observation, Logic, and Computation.

The vocabulary questions were nuts! They were asking for definitions of words that I am pretty sure were not even real words, and if they were real words, then I'll bet you a cookie that they weren't from english; or any other earth based language. I think they were Wookie, actually. The rest of the questions were, well, not easy, but more straight forward. I didn't do a lot of studying for this exam (we'll see if I bombed it!!) but the exam was very similar in feel to the Transport Canada exams that I have been writing for years as I went through my pilot training. Try a few of them on for size: http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/recruiting/prepen.pdf there are 21 practice questions in there that will have you thinking, and to their credit, the RCMP put a pretty fair representation of the exam in the study guide - some outfits sandbag their preparatoy guides so that people don't rip off their stuff, but not on this test.

The second half of the exam (the first exam was 114 multiple choice questions, the second was 108 opinion statements: Strongly Disagree, Disagree, Neutral, Agree, Strongly Agree) was over in a flash, asking you a whole bunch of inter related questions to try to test Conscientiousness. Which is a pretty important quality in a police officer.

I didn't do very much right as far as test taking goes... I was a little wound up stress wise, I barely arrived at my preplanned time (city rush hour traffic!!!) and I didn't have a healthy diet leading into the exam. And worst of all, I didn't realize this until I was almost to the hotel where they invigilated the exam... I had no coffee at all that day!! I don't usually drink coffee when I get up in the morning when I am going to the gym right away, otherwise, Juan Valdez is my pimp... I am useless without coffee (not that being caffinated improves much, but it's something, right?) I started getting a caffiene withdrawl headache and I started getting irritable with other drivers, and do you think I could find a Timmy's? In a city where there are more Tim Horton's outlets than there are fire hydrants, I could not locate a single one on my way to the hotel!! Nothing like making things hard on myself!! When I got out of there I stopped at not one but two Timmy's and got an Extra Large, one cream, two sugars and basically slammed them back for my drive back to Red Deer. If nothing else, it is for safety... I didn't get out of the exam until 9:30 and then I had an hour and forty minutes of driving to do. Made slightly longer by the fact I had to stop part way and "check the tires"... :)

Cookies!

2005-06-04T20:43:00.000-06:00

My mixer is sitting on the counter. I'm nuts for spendiing that much on it, but what the hell. I made bread with it already and it got so air-y that I am pretty sure I over kneaded it by a fair margin. Note to self - this thing works quick!

I am going to make a few batches of cookies tomorrow. I think I'll do a batch of cinnamon buns for breakfast, then make some chocolate chip cookies, and maybe some kind of triple chocolate if I can find a good recipie.

Of course I'll be using said cookies to be an insufferable bastard.... One of the girls at work has been seeing a personal trainer - who put her on a grass and water diet. now, this girl is a known cookie monster, so I am going to drop off a dozen or two just especially for the paint department! She flipped me the bird the other day just for talking about cookies, so I'm thinking that she really dosen't enjoy her new diet.... I'm only trying to be kind and generous by sharing the bounty of the fruits of my mixer.

So here I am.

2005-05-25T19:28:00.000-06:00

OK, that was a steaming bucket of fun.

I have a few more living things to get over here tonight, but by and large I am here now. I still have to do my whole kitchen, and I have to start setting up all of this crap, but I can at least sleep here tonight.

But I have to get going now because my phone just rang and I have to go get some OT at work now.

Ooo! More money to buy Things! :P

This just in....

2005-05-24T08:03:00.000-06:00

According to highly placed, anonymous sources; Moving sucks.

How's that for a news flash?

I have boxes strewn from one end of my apartment to the other. I am going to be getting my computer over to the house today and my clothes and bed tomorrow so I will be in fact living there tomorrow night. Then I just have to put up with my parents for a week or so until they leave for Alaska and points north.

The joyful thing is I get to look forward to moving again in three months when the come back. Fuckin' Whee!

2005-05-23T22:38:00.000-06:00

My bread machine shit itself a little while ago and was basically overcooking every loaf, so I started using it as basically a dough machine. I took the heap back and now I've decided to buy a Kitchenaid stand mixer.

I'm fzcking nuts! This thing is $400. But it's sooooo cool! And I can make 6 loaves of bread at a time instead of just one.... (Cath, you're going to have to come over and help me out with some of that!) Cookie dough will be really easy now... just wait till little Maren can eat them!

So can anyone please explain to me what the hell I need a honkin 450 watt commercial stand mixer for? Honestly? I need a little help justifying that to myself.

Oops.

2005-05-19T22:30:00.000-06:00

I gone dun it again.

Another thing.

Still not telling.

Still not a person either. (gawd I wish a "person" like that was as easy to obtain!)

PS. Shut up, not that kind of person either!

Good news from work!

2005-05-06T17:59:00.000-06:00

I talked to the overlord and almighty ruler of my department for Western Canada today...

It's a bit convoluted how the reporting relationships work in the World of Orange. I am the king and ruler of my department. no-one even messes with me - the store manager and all the assistant managers are intimidated by the department because it has it's own everything - different reports, different business. there is even a physical barrier - because we have gasoline in the building, we have to have a firewall between us and the main store. people walk to the door and then stop like there is a forcefield or something. It's amusing to watch. So anyways, I am responsible to my Assistant store manager first off. Except when it comes to spending money or on profitability matters, where I am responsible directly to the store manager. And then I am also responsible to the alberta Pro sales Manager, but he honestly dosen't seem interested by tool rentals, so he's out of it unless his boss has put his balls on a chopping block. Then there is Brent. He is responsible for every rental centre in all of western canada. He makes or breaks me in my evil plan to get promoted and begin taking over the world. He and I get along great because we are both shit disturbers at heart - we love stirring the pot. So I called him today to get some more tools ordered - business is booming! - and I got some good news! In the quarter that just ended on may 1st, I am the only rental centre in southern alberta that is achieving their planned sales goals, and I am also number 1 in western canada in special order sales! I rock! I kick ass! I am the king!

And then in other news, one of the assistant store managers came up to me last week and told me to basically keep doing what I am doing - people are noticing. The right people. Good deal since I only got promoted in October! I could be up for another BIG bump up in as little as 6 more months! Wow.

And now it looks like it's about to start raining. Of course it is going to rain, since it is my weekend off. I wanna take my new thing out!

I got something today!!!

2005-05-05T16:31:00.000-06:00

Woohoo!

Nope, I'm not saying what it is, Either! I can't - you easterner city dwelling wimminfolk would probably pee yourselves if I did!

I can't wait for the weekend!

Gadzooks!! An update!

2005-04-28T08:39:00.000-06:00

Will wonders never cease? :D

So. Cath, If you could host some baby pics for me I'd appreciate it. Theres about 300 or so by the time you add my parents and mine together. So far. My parents are driving down to southern alberta on Saturday to pick up my grandfather, and then Steph and Larry are bringing the little Timbit down for a combined multi-occasion family thing on sunday. There should be a bunch more photos then. Let's see... How much server space would 500 pictures and a bunch of .mpg movies take?

Actually, I have a bunch of photo driven posts I'd like to get up here. I'll buy you a nice big bottle of vodka for your troubles! Love ya Cat!

In the meantime, I am going to have to put on a sweater and make some stew or chilli I think. It is snowing like all get out here - Minus 5 C with visibility in the toilet. A fine day to lead into the first weekend of May. It's not even Victoria day long weekend, either!

Look! A new post!!

2005-04-20T22:21:00.000-06:00

Yes, monkey, you're right.

I know it's not fair to post about a new baby and not post pictures, but I can't get stupid blogger to sit up and fly right. I tried using that lameass Hello Blogger thing, but nuh-uh. No go.

Cath has pictures though - I have her email address. Sorry Monkey.

I've been up to see little Maren twice now. She is really sleepy still - mommy says that she is basically sleeping for 3 hours then awake for one. I got a few pictures of her tiny little fingers wrapped around my gronk-sized finger and then lots of "action" shots (she was asleep almost the entire time I've been around her. Except when I first picked her up last time I was there. I held her, she squalled. I pass her back to my sister, she's happy. She passes her back to me, she squalls. So Steph puts one of her little pillow thingies on my lap and then she's happy. I guess because I smell different than mommy and daddy.

I brought her presents - A fuzzy black & white stuffed kitty, a bath toy duck made out of some sort of washcloth material that quacks when you squeeze it, and a touchy-shapes sort of book about animals. I'll hold off on the drum sets until Maren is a little bigger ad capable of causing some mischief.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

2005-03-30T14:46:00.000-07:00

My new niece, Maren, was born this morning a little before 5 am mountain time. Mommy and baby are doing well, daddy is expected to recover. :) Maren weighs in at 8 lbs 7 oz.

Pictures to follow when I visit tomorrow.

Got your life jacket on?

2005-03-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

Sis's water broke tonight around 7 or so...

We are now standing by to stand by!

You can't tell me that is sexy.

2005-03-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

OK< some people need help. I was at the gym tonight after work, and as I'm on the machines, I see something wierd. There's a girl on the stair machine, whose arms are so thin I could have put my hand around them. No bicep, no tricep, no NOTHING. Not just skinny, scary. So I look a little closer. She's probably mid twenties or so. She looks like she used to be pretty, except that her face now looks hollow. It's like she went from fat, right through phat, now she's at freak. Seriously anorexic. As I was looking at her, I saw she had pretty tight pants on, normally that's a fringe benefit for a guy at the gym... I can tell she is wearing a thong, but I can see the line from it quite clearly going down, all the way under her pelvis... All the way. It does not disapper between the cheeks, because there are no cheeks. Her ass is gone. She's pounding the stair machine into submission, then she goes over to the weight machines and start working her legs some more. I could tell from the tight pants that her legs were in the same shape as her arms. She looked like an ethiopian poster child. Holy shit! Has she started believeing the cosmo mags about how you have to be super thin? Have any of these people who publish those magazines ever asked a normal, average, straight guy what looks sexy? It ain't that, let me tell you! I used to run around a little with a girl who was really skinny... not this bad, but still too skinny. It is not nearly as much fun to have sex with girls like that, because there is nothing but bony painful spots where there should be graceful and intriguing curves. The best part of a woman is that she isn't a man! She should have curves, men shouldn't. If I thought that girls like that were sexy, I'd just hump a fence post - same effect. This chick had no curves at all. Straight line from shoulder to knee (except where there were bones sticking out.) I would not date a woman like that. I would not have sex with a woman like that. It's not natural, it's not right, it's not healthy. This chick that I was seeing back in the day got a little more meat on her bones, she grew some curves, and her boobs got bigger. She got sexier. This chick tonight at the gym, I don't think she will live much longer before the anorexia kills her.

Still waiting...

2005-03-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

Dammit!

Dosen't my sister realize that the longer she waits to hatch, the longer I have to plot more twisted uncle like schemes for getting even with her for all that schtuff growing up?

Stand by...

2005-03-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

So. No kid yet.

Weekend is now over, the doc was wrong on thursday that things were going to happen.

We sit and we wait.

ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS!!!!

2005-03-25T20:29:00.000-07:00

GENERAL QUARTERS, GENERAL QUARTERS; ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS!!!!

Ahoy.... er, I mean, hello, again. I am about to become an uncle. Yes, I know, I've said that before. But I am now about to become an uncle right away!!! My sister is entering her 38th week, and is aparantly already 2cm dialated... I am figuratively and literally sitting by my phone right now, waiting for the call that the kid is coming. In the literal sense, because it's a cell phone and is attached to my belt, right here on my side. The doc thinks there is a very good chance that we will be having the old easter egg hunt at the hospital in Edmonton!

Which reminds me why I was inspired to the "Battlestations" thing... well, it's my sister's kid, and being as she is my sister, she deserves the very best in mischief and mayhem that I can possibly provide... All hands on deck and arm yourselves with timbits, drum sets, capguns and and bow and arrow sets! Any other similar evil uncle gifts for the kid which may be useful in inspiring the lil' monster to make noise, be hyperactive, and make rude noises at the dinner table are specifically encouraged!

As a primer, I gave the unborn little creature presents at Christmas - Finger paints and permanent markers!!

I am going to have so much fun with this kid!! I can't wait to babysit!

2005-03-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

As some of you may have noticed, I have not made a new post since the evening of Thursday, March third. I have been constantly updating that post as more news of the fallen has come out. I am in a state of shock and mourning, like many other Canadians are this week, given the events of last thursday.

I have so far not been able to bring together a post to put up here, but I will try to express myself now. Four young officers were murdered by a psychopath. They put on a uniform and accepted a number of risks which come with it, but that does not change the fact that they should be alive today. I could blow up now about the misuse of the charter by the courts, the inability of the general public to accept the world is a dangerous place, the inability of Parliament to enact laws with sufficient teeth to be a deterrent to crime, and the list goes on.

I could have been one of those four.

I have applied to the RCMP in the past, and very narrowly missed getting in. ‘That’ close. I should have applied again a few years ago, according to my father. He was probably right, but I wanted to get a few more of my ducks into a row. I have been directing all of my planning for the last 5 years into making myself a better candidate for the Force. I have been pursuing work opportunities that I think will make myself look better in the RCMP’s eyes. Everything has been pointed in that one direction.

I come from a policing background. My father was RCMP. Over 30 years before he retired, more or less unscathed – at least in the broader sense. I know the bond between all police officers. I share it too, in a form. I grew up around cops. Constantly exposed to the police culture at my father’s work and at home. I am not yet a member of that brotherhood, but I consider each and every man and woman who wears that uniform to be a brother.

I am basically the same age as all of them. Three of the four have lived in this city. I may have met some of them. Hell, when my dad was working for the RCMP he did the security/background investigation on one of them.

Fortune is a curious thing. I could have been standing there that morning. For whatever reason, my role in the grand scheme of things has yet to be played out. Maybe, hopefully, one day soon I will be among those who put on that uniform every day. I will have to accept the same risks as the four fallen Constables. I do not have a problem with those risks. However, I am reminded by this episode just how fragile and fleeting life is. If you are reading this, please do two things for me. First, call, write, email or visit the people you care about. Tell them how much you care about them and why. Right now. This is important – you just never know. One of you might not be around to hear or say it later. Second, next time you see a cop, even if it’s because you were speeding and got pulled over; thank them for doing their job. Shake their hand. It’s not something a cop hears as often as they deserve.

10-33

2005-03-03T21:49:00.000-07:00

188. MYROL, Brock; Constable. Engaged to the RCMP 14 Feb 2005. Posted to Mayerthorpe detachment. Age 29 years. Home town Red Deer, Alberta. Engaged to be married. Murdered while on duty near Rochfort Bridge, Alberta 03 Mar 2005

189. JOHNSTON, Lionide; Constable. Engaged to the RCMP Mar 2001. Posted to Mayerthorpe detachment. Age 33 years. Married. Home town Owl River, Alberta. Murdered while on duty near Rochfort Bridge, Alberta 03 Mar 2005

190.SCHIEMANN, Peter; Constable. Engaged to the the RCMP 27 Nov 2000. Posted to Mayerthorpe detachment. Age 25 years. Home town Stony Plain, Alberta. Murdered while on duty near Rochfort Bridge, Alberta 03 Mar 2005

191.GORDON, Anthony; Constable. Engaged to the the RCMP 15 Oct 2002. Posted to the Whitecourt detachment. Age 28 years. Married, father of two. Home town Red Deer, Alberta. Murdered while on duty near Rochfort Bridge, Alberta 03 Mar 2005

They shall not grow old,
as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them,
nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun,
and in the morning;
We will remember them.

Now that's almost like stealing!

2005-03-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream about work again.

I should really be getting paid for it because I would have sworn I was actually there, at work, working. There were no hippopotamuses doing ballet through the aisles so I couldn't even tell I was dreaming until I woke up and found myself in bed. That's so close to having the company steal from me it's not even funny.

I don't know what it is but since I've become a boss I've been having dreams like these. I've never had to hire people before (which is actually pretty easy as long as you're careful and prudent) or discipline staff who are getting out of line (which feels like I'm walking through a minefield during an artillery barrage). I have a new challenge to answer this week - I have to write and present a performance review to one of my staff members which includes an annual pay review. Direct to his pocketbook. I also have to write and present two other performance reviews to some other staff, but at least not money ones.

The funny thing is, I don't feel stressed about work ever. Maybe that's a sign that I'm not understanding the situation, I don't know.

How come the brochure said this was going to be an easy, glamourous job?

I'm glad I'm a guy!

2005-02-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

My sister called to say happy birthday while I was eating my cake. She took the opportunity to complain about her kid-to-be. She's had a foot in her ribs all day and it won't move. And it's had the hiccups all day. It's been very uncomfortable for her.

Thank you, Y chromosones, I owe you one!!

Happy Birthday to me!

2005-02-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

My parents did the birthday thing with me last night. Best steakhouse in town. I had an 8 ounce sirloin with 4 BBQ prawns, a stuffed potato and a hunk of foccacia garlic bread. Oh yeah, and a the salad and soup that they start you off with. Then I had desert! Mud pie! It's kinda set up like a cheese cake - same type of crust and all, but it's an ice cream cake. Hot damn that was good! Then we went over to my parent's place and I got a nice fat birthday cheque! I'll be putting that into my "Kyle needs new toys" fund.

The best thing is I still get cake & ice cream tonight!

It's official. I'm Old.

2005-02-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Well, today I bought an RRSP. I am now saving money for retirement. I tell myself I only did it for the tax savings. Yeah right, and I only read it for the articles!

Last birthday ever.

2005-02-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

That's it, I'm done, I'm not going to have any more at all, ever. The end. Fin. Over.

I turn 29 on saturday. I've decided that I won't have any more after that either. But don't let that discourage you from bringing over presents and cake. You know, just because you care. And that means that you don't have to restrict yourself to just once a year, either. Three or four times a year sounds about right.

Pants?

2005-02-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

You're a cheeky little rapscallion! That's what you are!

So there. I told you!

WTF??

2005-02-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

Did I just whistle up a wind? I checked my dating profile thing again today for the first time since I wrote this post... And There's another one. From Morogoro Tanzania. *slowly shaking head and sighing* Edmonton = 53 35' N 113 30' W Calgary = 51 05' N 114 10'W. Get a map people!! Yeesh. If I was dating a girl who went to Tanzania on some sort of NGO humanitarian or peacekeeping type situation, no problem. Email and satellite phones to the rescue. If I got an email on this dating thing from someone in Tanzania temporarily under similar circumstances that as going to be returning to Alberta, Great, we’ll meet for a latte when you get back, and so on. But I am so not going to even look at a profile of someone who is a permanent resident of some other blinkin hemisphere! OK, so I did peek a little, kinda like driving by a traffic accident. But no, not happening.

I am such a fuckwit

2005-02-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

I don't have a home phone. No sense wasting the money on a landline when I have a perfectly good cell phone and I don't use that enough to really justiify the added expense.

Last night as I finished work (closing shift) I went to my locker, put my apron away, put on my jacket and punched out. Leaving my cell phone in my locker. And no way to recover it until this morning. D'oh! I hope my parents aren't looking for me at all today because I needed to charge it last night, so it's probably stone dead by now. My parents generally panic when I am not in frequent communication with them.

So I'm heading off to recover my phone now. At least I can make a useful trip out of it and get a few groceries while I'm out.

Ponderings from an idle mind

2005-02-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last night as I'm making supper (Hamburgers and perogies!) I start thinking. I'm using my Montreal Steak Spice to season the sauteed onions, and I wonder:

If french toast is called "Golden Toast" in Quebec, what is Montreal Steak Spice called? Do they even have it there or what? And did it really get started there or did they just think it sounded cool at some food lab in Mississauga?

Nasty, nasty stuff at the gym

2005-02-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

I'm all for freedom of expression. I understand that when someone invests the time and effort to get ripped, they want to show off: They are (quite justifiably) proud of their accomplishments. But there should be a licensing board in order to wear cropped belly shirts. Mandatory six-pack or something. I almost dropped the weights when I saw a woman walk into the weight room with a belly shirt on - she had to be pushing 60, and there were visible rolls of flab hanging down below the bottom of her shirt, covering the waistband of her stretch pants. There is just no need for that! Owww my eyes!

The other thing that I just have to shake my head at about my gym: It's a city owned multi use recreation facility. There are ice rinks, indoor soccer pitches, a gymnastics club, a wave pool, two weight rooms and an indoor running track etc. It's like a fitness mall. With a food court. That sells healthy stuff like French fries (Healthy food selection!!) that reek of grease which hasn't been heated up hot enough so the fries have got to be soggy as a newspaper on the bottom of a swimming pool. I could smell them the whole time I was running today, and I just barely avoided a bad case of dry heaves every time I got to that part of the track. **retch** Just what I need when I'm trying to get in shape!

Why are people blind to the blindingly obvious?

2005-02-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

So.

I do the online dating thing. Some modest success, but some not so successful things too.

I suppose there are people out there who think "stunned" is a compliment, but for the love of Pete, couldn't somebody please take away their internet access? Helooooooo? (knocks on forehead) Anybody home??? There should be some sort of sign like at the theme parks: You must be this tall to ride. Only now it should read: You must be this smart to use a computer.

F'rinstince: Earlier this month I got an email reply to my profile. From an eligible bachelorette in I think it was Manila, Philippines. She thought I was just so dashing and handsome that she just had to write and tell me what a great wife she would make (of course after I get the immigration figured out and fly her across the pacific!) However in the Philippines they must not teach the concept of distance in schools... I draw the line at Edmonton/Calgary. Manila is outside of this circle. Try again lady, there may be some other schmuck willing to sponsor you and your entire family to come to Canada.

It's not however a one time problem. Nor is it limited to immigration scams. A month or two ago a nice (I suppose) young lady from central Newfoundland indicated her interest with a wink. Now I suppose that since Alberta has the highest population of Newfoundlanders of any province in Canada, including Newfoundland itself, she might have thought that was close enough. If she had indicated that she was going to be a part of the newfie tide washing up in my province, cool! But she said in her profile how much she loved living in NF and gave no indication of any pending move. Sorry honey, you get to go on a date with Mr. Delete Button.

I did the long distance thing once, for three and a half years. Alberta to Nova Scotia was hard enough for one year. If somehow you, dear reader, were to stumble across my dating profile and think of me as cute enough to wink at, stop and think... Am I within that Edmonton/Calgary circle? No? Thanks but no thanks.

I do my internet dating in a way befitting my Scottish heritage (No, there are no sheep in this story. Go piss up a rope!) That is, I do it on the cheap. I put an email address into my profile, contrary to the site's terms of service. All a prospective interested party needs to do is say, "Gosh, I wonder why there are extra, glaringly obvious words which are fully capitalized and do not fit the paragraphs at the end of each answer? I think I'll email him anyways and say I'm interested, leaving my email address in it's normal form so the mail server can delete it, even though this chap has left a reminder that it will be deleted from the message. Then I'll email him again, do the same thing and ask why he hasn't written back!"

I don't think this is a bad thing, really. It helps eliminate the thicker bachelorettes from contention so I don't have to sort them into groups: A) Have a brain made of rice crispies. B) Have useable cognitive function

The thing of it is, If these women were actually interested in getting to know me, I think they would take a few seconds to actually read the bloody profile! I mean, it's not that hard! Top to bottom, left to right. Compare what I've written to what you think about your own self. Get to the end and then ask if all of those blanks are filled in. Ask yourself why there are extra, blatant words in the answers in a certain order. then if you really do want to get to know me, connect the dots, figure out the email address, and carry on. I extend the same courtesy to you by reading all of your profile and not just randomly clicking.

But hell, what am I expecting? People can't figure out how to use a turn signal or drive in the right lane when they want to drive at 15 km/h under the speed limit, so why should they be able to master any other simple concept.

Supper time

2005-02-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

I'm Hungry.

I need something to eat but I don't know what I want. I may just wind up getting that pizza I've been denying myself. Then I'll go for a run and try to find the joy in an exploding lung. Whee!

This is perfect!

2005-02-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

OK, So you may have read about my rather pointed feelings towards Valentines a couple of days ago. SO... bearing that in mind I give you, my dear reader, this belated valentine card. Especially you, Monkey, since you can see the true danger of red roses!

I've been watching the cartoons on this site for the last hour, almost pissing myself laughing. Yes, I'm a twisted, evil demented disturbed psycho nutjob headcase. But I also have a soft and cuddly side too!

M'eh.

2005-02-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

I was going to go to the gym tonight. Honest.

I kinda feel like I need a workout, but I'm too tired after work and I need to get some supper first. This would be a good night to get pizza, but I promised myself not fast food or eating out! Need to put some more cash in the toybox so I can amuse myself later this summer.

Good news cash wise: I am tired tonight because I had to work 2 hours of OT. Which means that the govenment will take it all, and then some extra, and put it to some worthy cause like the Quebec sponsorship ad scam, or maybe the $2 billion gun registry (so the Hells angles have a shopping list of all the guns in the country to steal, especially since criminals are not required to register their illegally imported weapons and now that they and other organised crime/criminal enterprises have comprimised the registry (which is known to the RCMP) they just have to go down the list and pick what they like, and then go steal it!) But I'm not bitter. Not in the least. The government knows much better how to spend my money! Much more useful in some liberal hack's swiss account than in my pocket, "Thanks for taking the time out of your day to make that contibution!"

I want to win the lottery and I'll buy a few of the islands that will be created when the big mofo earthquake hits and BC is moved from the continent North America, over to Atlantis. Then I'll declare independance and my fishing boat will be the Coast guard and Navy, my homebuilt airplanes will be my very own air force, and I'll let the gardener be the army in his time off. Then I won't have to pay any taxes! If anything, as soon as I say I'm going to declare independance, the federal government will start shucking money at me.

Did any of that make any sense at all?

Me either.

Whatever, I'm going to go get some supper.

Count Chocula

2005-02-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

OK, so I got me a counter. Thanks StatCounter!

Now I'll be able to keep track of the zillions of people sent here on command by Cat since she told all her readers to stop by. And hey cat, I'm still waiting for that invitation so I can book some holidays! That's the trouble with being a working stiff - got to get the vacation requests in 3 months in advance so we can actually meet in person, and since I only go to Montreal once every 10 years; act now while supplies last, operators are standing by!

Cupid can blow me!

2005-02-13T23:57:00.000-07:00

Joe Nichols
What's A Guy Gotta Do
What's... a... guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Well ask anybody I'm a pretty good guy
And the looks decent wagon didn't pass me by
There ain't nothin in my past that I'm tryin hard to hide
And I don't understand why I gotta wonder why

What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Cruise all around the right parking lots
little time gets killed alotta bull gets shot
one who'll think I'm kinda cute and laugh at every joke I got
when I get to thinkin maybe she's athinkin maybe not

What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Had an old man tell me "Boy if you were smart
you'd hit the produce isle at the Super Walmart"
So I bumped into a pretty girl's shopping cart
but all I did was break her eggs and bruise her artichoke hearts

What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Thats about what I think about all this Valentines hooey. Cath, Don't let your soon to be wedded bliss get in the way of anything, I expect you to do your duty to tradition and post "He shoots again" on schedule!

Now don't get me wrong, dear reader! I am a nice enough person, and I make a hell of a great boyfriend, check my references! I am just getting sick of valentines already and the day isn't even here yet. My problem with the whole procedure? I can't find a girl around here who isn't a drunk, drug user, immature or already spoken for. I mean come on already! Surely in this world there must be at least some nice girls left who aren't already married!

Cupid, and the *&%#$ radio DJs who keep cooing about great love songs and all the other crap can get down on their hands and knees and kiss my ass!

In the meantime - to show I'm not bitter, I'm going to go see if I have any new page hits on my dating profile.

Shopping list

2005-02-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

1. Hit Counter. Saw something around here about how to get those things set up.

2. Cool pop-out inline comments. Saw that too.

3. Photos. Saw the thing about where to host them, and got a tip on how to do the html code for thumbnails earlier today.

4. cool observations, witty social commentary and acerbic comments about inept co-workers and moronic customers.

5. Recipie for pasta salad. No, not for the blog. For supper, you silly rabbit! I'm hungry and I want to have pork chops and pasta salad for supper, but I can't find a recipie I want to use. Yeesh. You'd figure with this many cookbooks, I could find one like that *snap* and then off to the stove to create another masterpiece of macaroni. Nope, no luck. everything I have is too boring or too involved, a whole meal by itself, or for some other reason unsuitable. I'll just sit here eating my wheat thins and looking for a recipie on the internet I suppose.

I'm like a dog that chases cars:

2005-02-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

What the hell do you do with it once you've caught one?

So I've got this here blog. now what? I don't know if my daily life is all that exciting, but what the heck, if you, dear reader, want to read about how I washed the dishes this week, then so be it! I'll have to check out some other blogs and get some ideas I guess.

By the way, If you want to read about me washing dises, you are sadly mistaken! I hate doing the dishes! HATE!!! I am moving to a new apartment with the criteria that there must be a dishwasher and a balcony for me to barbecue on. Minimum standard! I am soooo looking forward to house sitting for my parents this summer: Deck, BBQ, Dishwasher, HDTV bigscreen, free rent! life will be so sweet!

You have to promise to respect me in the morning

2005-02-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

So. Here I am.

This is the first time I've ever done any sort of web content provider stuff before. I'll try to be amusing in some way or another. Beyond that, no promises.

Thanks for stopping by!