Why are people blind to the blindingly obvious?

So.

I do the online dating thing. Some modest success, but some not so successful things too.

I suppose there are people out there who think "stunned" is a compliment, but for the love of Pete, couldn't somebody please take away their internet access? Helooooooo? (knocks on forehead) Anybody home??? There should be some sort of sign like at the theme parks: You must be this tall to ride. Only now it should read: You must be this smart to use a computer.

F'rinstince: Earlier this month I got an email reply to my profile. From an eligible bachelorette in I think it was Manila, Philippines. She thought I was just so dashing and handsome that she just had to write and tell me what a great wife she would make (of course after I get the immigration figured out and fly her across the pacific!) However in the Philippines they must not teach the concept of distance in schools... I draw the line at Edmonton/Calgary. Manila is outside of this circle. Try again lady, there may be some other schmuck willing to sponsor you and your entire family to come to Canada.

It's not however a one time problem. Nor is it limited to immigration scams. A month or two ago a nice (I suppose) young lady from central Newfoundland indicated her interest with a wink. Now I suppose that since Alberta has the highest population of Newfoundlanders of any province in Canada, including Newfoundland itself, she might have thought that was close enough. If she had indicated that she was going to be a part of the newfie tide washing up in my province, cool! But she said in her profile how much she loved living in NF and gave no indication of any pending move. Sorry honey, you get to go on a date with Mr. Delete Button.

I did the long distance thing once, for three and a half years. Alberta to Nova Scotia was hard enough for one year. If somehow you, dear reader, were to stumble across my dating profile and think of me as cute enough to wink at, stop and think... Am I within that Edmonton/Calgary circle? No? Thanks but no thanks.

I do my internet dating in a way befitting my Scottish heritage (No, there are no sheep in this story. Go piss up a rope!) That is, I do it on the cheap. I put an email address into my profile, contrary to the site's terms of service. All a prospective interested party needs to do is say, "Gosh, I wonder why there are extra, glaringly obvious words which are fully capitalized and do not fit the paragraphs at the end of each answer? I think I'll email him anyways and say I'm interested, leaving my email address in it's normal form so the mail server can delete it, even though this chap has left a reminder that it will be deleted from the message. Then I'll email him again, do the same thing and ask why he hasn't written back!"

I don't think this is a bad thing, really. It helps eliminate the thicker bachelorettes from contention so I don't have to sort them into groups: A) Have a brain made of rice crispies. B) Have useable cognitive function

The thing of it is, If these women were actually interested in getting to know me, I think they would take a few seconds to actually read the bloody profile! I mean, it's not that hard! Top to bottom, left to right. Compare what I've written to what you think about your own self. Get to the end and then ask if all of those blanks are filled in. Ask yourself why there are extra, blatant words in the answers in a certain order. then if you really do want to get to know me, connect the dots, figure out the email address, and carry on. I extend the same courtesy to you by reading all of your profile and not just randomly clicking.

But hell, what am I expecting? People can't figure out how to use a turn signal or drive in the right lane when they want to drive at 15 km/h under the speed limit, so why should they be able to master any other simple concept.